earthquake

i stared at the words

the words

i hated them

its like somehow they reached into my chest

and pulled out my heart

i lost my breath

i didnt know what to say

seems nothing

and even if i did it wouldnt have mattered

thats the part that just killed

fast forward:

________________

grrrrrrr!

im mad the adrenaline is pumping

i want to scream

i want to rage

where did this come from?

and so quickly brought on

i cant believe how much you can hurt me

i need a release

i want to run out into the cold air

i want to scream out into the blackness

i want to ...

fast forward:

_____________________

slow deep breaths

mentally tell myself its ok

try and get a grip on things

(silly cause as soon as i get one your there again prying my fingers off)

close my eyes

more deep breaths

ok

...

the adrenaline has slowed a bit

i find myself wanting

i find myself wishing to run to place where i dont have to think about it

only the place i want to run

is gone

so now im just wanting

.....

fast forward:

_______________________

eyes swollen from tears

head a little achy

i want to sleep

for days

till the feeling goes

but then again

days might not be long enough