Monday, May 11, 2009

something to be said for honesty
for trust
for without them
i cant
i wont
the ache in my heart
the ache in my head

and i sat there
and took the blame
the pain
the fault
for things i thought were all mine
but werent
they were yours
and you sat there
watching me
take it
and held me with arm that claimed to be grounded
in love and compassion
and you watched as i melted
as i sank
in misunderstanding
as i fell slowly
and you sat there watching me
your eyes full of lies
from things that
couldnt be seen
and wouldnt be seen
because my tears filled my vision
i felt the hurt
the pain
i felt the distance
like the tide coming in
and i couldnt stop it
and i yelled to you
and questioned
and you sat there
and watched
all the while knowing
that you caused that tide
and you masked yourself with grief
and hid the truth and the lies
with anger toward me
and i took all these lashings
and sucked it up

and i try to remain un jaded
i try not to be
so i sit here with this pain
so fresh
and watch it bleed out into everything i thought was true
and everything i thought was real
and i look at you with those arms..
those lying arms
and eyes
lying eyes
and it hurts so bad..
because how do i live a life i cant live
a life with grudges and thick skin
i cant
i wont
and yet then i am destined to play the fool
you set me up to be
i sit here vulnerable to you
so exposed
and all you can do is take advantage?
such cruelty

1 comment:

Kristen said...

I'm speachless. Well written.